Author: Lana Kaczmarek

“God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress.” A priest once shared along my spiritual journey of discernment and the time I began to encounter a true spiritual awakening, a most profound insight that has changed my life and has enhanced and enriched my true identity as a beloved child of God, formed the basis of my spirituality and prayer life and has increased my faith, my hope, my belief, my confidence, my longing for and trust in God. He shared God’s name with me. God’s true name which is accessible to all, approachable always, a name one can call upon, rely upon and know that by His most sacred name, God is most present, attentive and always listening but a name that requires us also to be present, attentive and listening as well. He said, God is I AM. I am here, I am present, I am listening to you always. Listening attentively to your call, your worries, your concerns, your grumblings and all your fears. I AM here with you now. I AM here with you always. I AM here with you when you sleep and awaken. I AM here when you stress or are rejoicing. I AM here when you cry out or are laughing. I AM here when you live and when you are dying. I AM. He also shared that God’s name is not, I WAS, when you are stuck in your past, when you forget that God is with you and you rely on yourselves or turn to another to assist you and provide help or become your refuge instead of God. We think of God as I WAS when we dwell and live in the past. When we become overly consumed and overly worldly focused and centered on the past with all its hurts and failures, wounds, and disappointments, its unforgiveness and all our disordered desires and overt sinfulness, along with our most embarrassing moments and humiliating experiences. He said, I AM here with you always, for all the ages to come. My name is, I AM. I am not; I WAS. He also shared I am not, I WILL BE, when we are totally distracted, so focused on daydreaming, or insist on fantasizing about nudity, profanity, or disordered ambitions. I AM here present to you at this very moment and every moment and breath of life. I am not, I WILL BE, with your thoughts racing to the future without me, where your hopes rely on you or another rather than on me. 

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” For me and perhaps even for you, there is a clear distinction between “I want” and “I need.” Wants are those things that would be nice to have, perhaps from the excess we already have acquired or from the poverty of those things we desire to have. At times, our wants are just wishful thinking, like more money, a larger room, more space or a fantastic journey, vacation, voyage, or adventure. Wants can be those things that would be nice to have like good health, a long life, great neighbors, more time. Those things that would be good and beneficial to pray for. Unfortunately, at times our wants are desires that are for the most part vices and very bad for us like ambition, success at all costs, riches that do not belong to us or material wealth that belongs to another. Sometimes our wants become unnecessary necessities, sources of unsettling obsessions, things we must or are determined to have but do not really need or our gracious Lord would be happier for you not to take, obsess over, possess, or receive. Those things that would not be helpful to you, beneficial for your health or good for your spiritual life or journey. We really don’t need to list those out. You know what you do not have, should not obtain and those things that are not good for you, your happiness, or your family. Those things you would like to have or obtain by envy, jealously, greed, stealing, badmouthing, shaming, exhortation, lying, or using your cunning malicious intent or your amazing intellectual property or your physical body, beauty, money, or strength to obtain your passionate want to satisfy your disordered desire or your unnecessary need. We can live without all those things. We can live without sin. However, we cannot live without God. We really need Him, and He should be our greatest want and ultimate desire. God, our Good Lord, our Good Savior, our Good Leader, our Good Teacher, who is also the Good Shepherd the Father has sent to tend His sheep and feed His Lambs. Jesus provides all the Father has given Him to feed, nourish, care for, heal, reconcile, and bring back to life all God’s children back into the Father’s fold and to His loving embrace. In the end, what we really want is what we really need most, the Lord. His attentiveness, His presence, His compassion, kindness, pardon, and His peace. These we need. We can’t live without Him.

“The prayer of the lowly pierces the clouds; it does not rest till it reaches its goal.” It is ever so sad to know and even to note how misunderstood prayer is. We never pray when we are supposed to, which is often and always. We tend to keep prayer in check by saying I prayed already, or I’ll pray later, or I am too busy to pray, or what is the use, is anyone really listening, God never answers my prayer. The precious gift of prayer is who God is, how he shares his gracious gifts with us, receives our praises and complaints, provides for our every need in super abundance and sanctifies our lives with his greatest desire which is to be united to us in holy communion and to be united to us in loving prayer. Prayer is so underutilized, neglected and even misused and prayed so incorrectly. As scripture notes and says, “we don’t pray as we ought,” so why not learn how to pray so that your opinion can be heard and God’s voice and loving response can make and save your day. So, what is prayer or rather who is prayer and how do we enter the intimate union prayer provides, initiates, and brings to us poor children left here in exile? To understand prayer, we need to understand God’s ways, his loving intention, the essence of his glory and the reason he loves. He simply is. That is, it. He is. When God declared, “I AM” he simply declared who he is, loving, caring, responsive, sensitive, present, listening, faithful, communion. That is the heart of what and who prayer is. Love, just simply wants to love sacrificially, unconditionally, and faithfully always. Prayer then just simply wants to pray always, sacrificially, unconditionally, and faithfully all the time into eternity. Prayer is the Word of God made flesh. He is an attentive ear, a listening heart, the most faithful of friends. Prayer like love, is constant, always, unceasing, persevering, endures all things and never fails. The depth of prayer navigates through the worst of storms and pierces the darkest of clouds. Prayer soothes the soul and calms our mind and spirit so overwhelmed by worry, anxiousness, fear, sadness, and grief. Prayer penetrates those broken and hard-to-get-to places in our hearts and lives that lack love, wisdom, kindness, understanding and charity and our great need to be heard, nourished and tended to. Prayer cuts through the lies that consume us and the pride that overwhelms us. Prayer always saves the day. 

“The word of God is living and effective, discerning reflections and thoughts of the heart.” At times we seek each other out to ask and say, “May I have a word with you?” Unfortunately, a word turns into two words then into an argument, a correction, a statement, or a point that needs to be made and a tone that must be taken. An exchange of words can be exciting, encouraging or simply frustrating. Words can be used to provide information, give direction, assist in formation, offer a gentle correction, or simply inspire the gift and grace of hope or spiritual wellbeing. Words unfortunately can be used as weapons and tools of deception, false accusations, saying a curse rather than offering a blessing. Words can entrap rather than provide an easy way out. We can even use our bodies to communicate a word, make a statement, or lead another to react or respond. We use signs to communicate our language, our bodies to communicate our desires and our mouths to share our thoughts. So many words to say and utter. So many thoughts to express and offer. We speak when not spoken to. We say what is not necessary. We offer opinions, say, “I told you so,” we indicate all our emotions and express all our feelings Words are even being exchanged when we are silent. Unspoken words of the mind, indecent thoughts and proposals, backtalk and disobedience under our breath, a harsh judgement and the critical name calling. So many opportunities to have a word with one another. Gossip at strange tables, the envy of persons, the jealousy between siblings, the put down, the letdown by another. Thankful that God has only one word to say, Jesus. In Jesus, God’s one Word was made visible, audible, communicable, irresistible. The Word of God is alive, breathing, affective. When God speaks things happen, light, love, life, all creation. God’s Word can create from nothing, heal what is broken, restore what was stolen, renew what was lost, raise those fallen and even forgive all sins. God’s Word needs to be heard not drowned out or pushed or tossed to the side. God’s Word needs to be read not abandoned, neglected, or forgotten. God’s Word needs to be shared more than your own thoughts, words, opinions, or desires. God’s Word is needed in this world that is grossly competing to be heard. Let us stop speaking so many words and begin to silently pray by believing that God is more important and has something more important to say.

“Please accept a gift from your servant.” Gifts are such an interesting concept. At times to the giver, at times to the receiver. A gift in its purest sense is given out of love with no other intention but to share joy, happiness, a thank you, a gratitude or simply just to say I love you with no other intention attached. True gifts, in the most spiritual sense of the word, are freely given and meant to be freely received. A gift forced or obliged cannot therefore be considered or classified as a gift since there is a certain debt that must be paid for, returned, or reciprocated. If one must read fine print in order to enjoy the special gift or one has to do something within a certain time period to obtain it or a person must sit through hours of presentations, lectures or tours to receive it, then it no longer is a gift but a burden, a chore, and a lack of joy that must be patiently endure and there is no gift in that. If strings are attached and certain conditions must be met, then it is no longer freely given and a gift it can no longer be. God is amazing. The greatest gift giver ever known. His gifts are freely given and should be freely received. You are free to reject them, toss them to the side, regift them or never open to see what is inside. No strings attached. You do not even have to say thank you but saying thank you to God is a gift of itself. The ability to say thank you even when one offends you is a lifesaving, peace giving remedy. The kind of gifts only God can share and give. Everlasting life, eternal glory, perpetual light, unending happiness, unconditional love, forever forgiveness, everlasting peace. Who would not want to open those gifts immediately and thank the giver profusely from the heart? The Lord’s gifts are true gifts from the heart. Eucharistic Sacraments that give life, scripture and prayer that sustain it, compassion and forgiveness that retain it, Savior and Spirit that renew it and a loving Father that restores live to its formal glory and a Holy Family and risen humanity to share it along with Holy Angels and Saints to partake in it with. God’s gifts are broken and shared, tasted and seen, offered, and shared, given and received. Our Lord came to serve God’s tender love and mercy. So please freely give and receive these gracious gifts from above.

“How long, O LORD? I cry for help, but you do not listen!” O Lord, how could we ever think you don’t care, you never listen, that you would purposely turn your back on us or permit your gracious beautiful ears not to hear our prayer or pleading. That you would choose to ignore the sound of our cries, our tears from being heard as they drench our pillows by night and pound the pavement during the day. Who could ever think or ever believe that you stopped listening so long ago at the anguish of creation, the moaning of our broken humanity or the foul and dreadful sound of our cursing and yelling, our profanity, and the obscenities we hurl at you and at one another. The blasphemies we utter in the darkness, the talking back to our parents, the gossiping of our neighbors or the slander of our closest friends. Who could think that you don’t hear it or choose to turn a deaf ear or wish that all the noise would go away. O Lord, why would we ever think that you don’t like the sound of our voice, the terrible sound of our singing, the silence we never offer or the chattering that never seems to cease. You love us, Lord. We are your beloved children. Who wouldn’t want to hear your beautiful children at play or even complain. The eco in our hearts, the thoughts on our brain, the movement of our spirit, the laughter, the song, the praise. All is magical to you, a brilliant symphony, the song of creation. To hear your children in prayer, whether praying or pleading, begging, or singing, asking, or giving, it is all a sweet song of creation. Like the breeze of a tree, or the song of a bird, or the croaking of a frog, or the buzzing of a bee, or the ocean quiet or yelling, the softness of a snowflake, the banging of a woodpecker, the raging of an angry sea, the stillness of a placid lake, the beauty of a mountaintop, even an angry adult or mischievous child is beautiful in your eyes. What hurts you O Lord, is when we turn on you or ignore you. When we say we are mad at you or we stop talking to you or even worst, we ignore you and stop praying or saying I love you or I am sorry, please forgive me. Our voice is your voice when your Word is heard. Thank you, Lord for listening to me.

“Pursue righteousness, devotion, faith, love, patience, and gentleness.” Who are you? Who do you claim to be? What do others say about you? How have others defined or redefined you? Who do you now have to be to keep up with the copied image you now portray yourself to be? It’s challenging, difficult and exhausting trying to be someone else so will the real you please come forward. Not the fake persona or the stolen identity you want others to believe is really you or the person created out of envy, shame, or jealousy but the real you God so graciously created in his divine image and likeness that he calls very good and is pleasing and a joy to know. At times, our exaggerated exterior self is in quick and hot pursuit of identity masks to hide behind or seeking accessories to accessorize and build up a new self-image or obtain a quick-change outer garment to quickly be someone different at work, be someone different at home and even have a different private secret identity when no one is looking or when no one else is physically around. Our profile says one thing, our online pictures show someone else. What we say or do can say one thing about ourselves and depending on who is around can say something different about us. Either way, our true self doesn’t shine through. We hide, we worry, we will not show or invite others to see the goodness God has chosen to place deep inside of us. World views, peer pressure, family and friend influences, fake personas, desired successes, and competitive milestones can shape or reshape our true person. Simply wanting to be a different version of who you really are can overwhelm and dominate us so we choose to be someone different perhaps the person everyone else wants us to be or the person we think will make us the happiest. If we look into a mirror with honest intent, without lies or deceit, we will find the person God happily created you to be.  For God graciously looks so beyond what you can see and sees the beautiful, best version of you that you were meant to be. God placed deep down inside of you the grace of righteousness, and the gift of deep devotion to God and to goodness. God gave you everlasting faith and unconditional love to match it. He flooded you with eternal holy patience and blessed gentleness beyond measure to be the real true self He graciously created you to be.  

“In every place the men should pray, lifting up holy hands, without anger or argument.” From time to time, a deep penetrating image emerges from a depth inside of me that calls out and invites me to be like the Holy Family. To be like them, just like Jesus, Joseph and Mary, a person of faith, a person of honor, a person of prayer. To have the Holy Family’s faith and confidence to trust that I am not alone, that God knows
everything and in his particular love and desire for me, he will provide all for me, everything I need, not only in super abundant overflowing grace but in a manner that will bring the greatest joy to he and to poor me. The honor in not only living out the baptismal promises to love, believe and honor God with all one’s heart, strength, soul and being but to honor God’s promises, commitments, responsibilities, commandments not
simply out of obligation but because of the great love and honor God has for me and all humanity. To pray as Jesus, Mary and Joseph pray. To pray in the way Jesus prayed silently in the manger, on the day he was baptized, every time he went to the temple, to the mountain, to his Sacred Heart, to pray to God our Father. To pray as Jesus taught the disciples to pray. To pray with his spirit of abandonment when he commended his
spirit to the Father. To pray with a spirit of poverty, a spirit of intention and a spirit of interior peace as Jesus did in temptations, in the desert and every person he came to meet. To ponder with a contemplative spirit like Mary.

To pray with interior silence like Joseph. To pray like Abraham, Moses, David, Esther, Simeon, Anna and all the
prophets, angels, and saints. To pray knowing someone is listening. To pray like my life depends on it, like lifesaving oxygen that needs to bring God’s breath to my soul, spirit, heart, and lungs. To pray because I need spiritual food for the journey because my spirit and soul are parched without you. To pray because
that is what I need to do to remain and be in communion with you. O Lord, you are my prayer, my song, the lifting up of holy hands, the being lifted up to your presence, the answer we need, and so have longed for. The grace that brings us healing, gratitude and relief. Lord you are the prayer, the answer, all that we need.

“With their patience worn out by the journey, the people complained against God and Moses.”  Dissatisfaction is such an ugly thing.  Whenever we are dissatisfied, gray skies suddenly appear and the stormy rage of our anger and disappointment kicks in to high gear and the world comes to know and listen to just how dissatisfied we are.  Just think about the time someone encouraged you to go to that trendy, new restaurant that everyone brags about, however the food and service was mediocre or poor at best.  How about all the hype and building up that amazing performance or hit play?  All the planning, preparing, waiting, anticipating only to find out the day of you forgot to hit send to finalize the payment or your best friend conveniently forgot to purchase you a ticket.  Major heart burn and disappointment. No longer best friends.  We can apply it across our lives in general.  How many other times or circumstances have we experienced a letdown, a lie across the board, a building up of anticipation, only to experience a quick letdown, a bursting of our bubble?  Dissatisfaction is bitter to taste. Upsets our day and stomach as well.  Our patience wears thin quickly, our kindness runs dry very fast.  We become agitated at the disillusion, upset at the lack of control, unhappy with the lack of planning, unfavorable to the outcome and the decisions that were taken or made.  Our language is unpleasant, our demeanor uncalled for, our lack of charity noticed, and our yelling heard by all.  Dissatisfied, we complain to God, to anyone or to any stranger who will listen.  “Get me your manager.”  “What is your boss’s name?”  “Who is in charge here?  “I’m telling your mom and dad.”  When things suddenly change or shift, when we don’t get what we ordered or asked for, when the due date is missed, or they sent us in the wrong direction or to the wrong place, our dissatisfaction is heard by God and others and our genuine disappoint is felt and that is understandable.  You were so looking forward to that trip, concert, or grade.  You hoped so much for that job and hoped it would finally come through.  You worked so tirelessly on improving that relationship, invested so much social time, energy, and money only to be hurt, unappreciated, used, tossed to the side.  Major disappointments and heartaches.  The memory alone hurts. The thought still causes anger and unpleasantness, but God always nourishes, heals, and satisfies especially when we are hurting, disappointed and majorly dissatisfied.     

“Who can know God’s counsel, or who can conceive what the LORD intends?”  Knowing can be considered in part or truly perceived and conceived wholly as both gift and a blessing but also considered a curse, something to be avoided, frowned upon, is unreliable, should be negated as untrue.  True knowledge, the kind that comes from the heart, is inspired by Jesus, given to us by the Holy Spirit, can never change or be adapted or conformed to our own personal logic or reasoning but rather, leads us to the greatest gifts of freedom, goodness, beauty, trust, and truth. This knowledge, of knowing God really, more intimately, from the heart and not simply from books helps us to better understand and acknowledge who we are and who we are meant to be.  We are God’s beloved children, His prized possession, guarded as the apple of His eye, the blessed fruit and work of His hands, the love of His life, the constant thought of His heart, what causes Him to rejoice, celebrate and say, “I am your God, and you are my people.”  This knowledge is not faint or fading but growing and alive in us.  Even if you don’t believe it, fail to perceive it, choose not to understand it, or decide not to know it, it doesn’t change the fact that it is all true.  God love us, He loves you with a love that is eternal that you could never change even if you choose to.  Knowing the Lord, really knowing Him as the eternal God head knowledge given to us in Spirit and Truth helps us to experience, truly experience the intimate felt knowledge given to us in Spirit and Truth in and through the Gospel, the Proclaimed Word, in and through the Eucharist the Proclaimed Word made Flesh and in and through the Church, our Mother Mary, the Sacraments and All the Holy Angels and Saints, we truly encounter Christ, the Wisdom and Knowledge of God that suffers for love of us but loves us for the sake of knowing us.  This knowledge heals what is broken and hurting, lifts what has fallen from grace, restores what was made ugly through sin, seeks out what is lost, stolen, or given away and brings back to life what has died in us.  This knowledge wants you to know, believe and trust in the love God has for us and the personal, specific, and intimate love He has just for you.  To truly know God this way, is to truly know love.